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Personal Essay

The reality of living with obsessive-compulsive disorder

Maxine Brackbill | Asst. Photo Editor

Personal Essay | It’s difficult to comprise obsessive-compulsive disorder into one definition. Our columnist shares the complexity and struggles that come with having it.

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The general public has a misconstrued notion of obsessive-compulsive disorder. When asked what the disorder is, they tend to include excessive hand washing or very particular placement of objects. Even in 2023, the average person has no idea what inside the mind of someone who suffers from OCD looks like, so they repeat misconceptions about it.

Country artist Luke Combs was recently interviewed detailing his struggles with OCD. “If someone murdered my whole family, I would rather them be free and live with what I had, than go to jail. That’s how bad it is…it’s not even an exaggeration in any way, shape or form. I wouldn’t wish it on anybody in the entire world.”

It’s far — really far — from just washing hands or straightening things. Even writing this, I have extreme anxiety and guilt that I won’t capture the full picture of what OCD is.

On a typical day, about 80% of my waking hours are consumed in obsessions and compulsions.



That said, OCD is defined as a pattern of unwanted thoughts and fears — obsessions — that are followed by repeated behaviors — compulsions. Obsessions and compulsions cause extreme anxiety and interfere with daily life. Seeking reassurance or ignoring obsessions only create more stress and anxiety. It’s often described as a fear of fear or a broken record in your brain. Thoughts get stuck and seemingly never end.

We have all heard, or even said, “I’m so OCD…It’s my OCD…I’m OCD about certain things” in our everyday vernacular. We all have intrusive thoughts, wash our hands and organize, but do you wash your hands when you know they’re clean and repeat 80 times a day? Have you ever run over a pothole and knew it was a pothole but had to turn around to make sure you hadn’t killed someone? Has it ever taken you hours to shower or read one page of a book because you keep repeating seemingly unnecessary tasks? Have you ever watched a video of yourself speaking over and over and over again to make sure you didn’t blurt out an intrusive thought?

OCD looks different for everyone with the disorder.

Before work every day, Howard Stern used as an example how he would spend one to two hours in a bathroom touching things: “I’ve come to understand that this behavior is trying to control a world that’s out of control,” he told David Letterman on his talk show.

Someone walking on a busy sidewalk might get the intrusive thought to trip the next person that walks by. Someone without OCD wouldn’t think anything of it, while someone with OCD might think they are a bad person, or even seek reassurance to make sure they didn’t trip anybody. They will likely get that same thought several more times before they get where they are going, repeating these compulsions every time.

OCD is a vicious cycle. The only way to break the cycle is to accept that it is a part of your life.

A proven treatment for OCD is Exposure and Response Prevention, or ExRP, which essentially exposes a person to their obsessions and aids in preventing a compulsion. This type of therapy forces the patient to sit with the feeling and to not compulse, allowing the patient to be at peace and ultimately not obsess. If you stop being afraid of that thought, your brain will stop sending that thought. Eventually, it will get easier.

It’s important to reach out and ask for help if you feel anxious or depressed. A simple diagnosis can help to answer questions about your mental health, as well as educate the people around you in creating a more understanding and informed environment.

There is a stigma surrounding OCD and what the people who suffer from it experience. Many don’t know the whole picture of OCD, or even half of it. However, through education, we can help to lift some of the stereotypes and start to reverse the pain and suffering caused by mental illness.

Aiden Walsh is a Sophomore finance major. His column appears biweekly. He can be reached at awalsh05@syr.edu.

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